Speaking of Dirty...

     Being a stay at home mom for the time being, I have an entire day to get things done!  Let me paint you a picture...the house is clean, the dishes done,   I've gotten everything on the grocery list, my legs are shaved, dinner is waiting on the table for my husband...stay at home mom right? Wrong.  Super duper wrong.  I wish I had invested in paper plates.  And the grocery store?  Ha! It takes me almost an hour to even be ready to leave the house with a three month old.  Is she fed? Changed? Warm? Where are her socks?  Should I take the car seat in or use the Moby wrap? Oh shit! I've left my purse at home.
     I'm lucky to get a shower most days.  I turned around last week and realized I hadn't washed my hair in almost four days.  My legs are shedding longer hairs than the dog.  I'm positive my husband can smell the sour milk and sweat.  When did a five minute shower become a little slice of heaven?  That five minutes when, even if she's crying, I can't hear anything but the water splashing into my filthy tub.  When my eyes are closed and the warm steam has created a private island just for me.  And then the panic sets in.  Did she wake up?  Is that her crying?  Oh God what if she fell out of the swing because I didn't lock the tray down properly?  Did I lock the front door? The back door?  Where's the dog? 
     I've heard that things get easier with the second child.  The panic lessens, the showers get longer, the crying doesn't grate at the very core of your soul. For now, I'm a dirty, hairy, mama whose house gets manically straightened up ten minutes before my husband gets home from work.
     What do I do all day you ask?  I make 8 bottles, change 22 diapers, sing Miss Mary Mack (Sophie's favorite smile-inducing song at the moment) 17 times, Let the dog outside 4 times, take out 2 bags of trash, teach Sophie to sit up, teach Sophie to roll over, make Sophie stop crying 49 times, choke down whatever's in the fridge (because I'm STARVING) while I hurriedly hide the dishes in the dishwasher, cross my fingers that Sophie will take nap so I can hop in the shower long enough to get EVERY part of me clean before she wakes up wailing for a bottle or a diaper change or just because she needs some attention...you get the point.
     Stay at home moms, I had no idea.  I now stand amongst your ranks proudly, albeit exhausted.  I'd salute you but I can't remember if I've shaved my armpits this week.