My week off

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the idea of something that you can't focus on anything else? Over the weekend my mom, Sophie and I made a six hour car trip to Pennsylvania to visit my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins to introduce my new addition. The very idea of Sophie's first weekend trip had me reeling. What to pack, how much to pack, how to make her bottles on the fly, etc...
     It ended up going way smoother than anticipated and I didn't use half the things I packed. Long story short: I'll be catching up on blogs all week make up for it now that we're back on schedule! Thanks for sticking around!

The pack and play that saved the day.

I have a confession. My daughter has slept in her car seat for most of her life thus far. Being so scared of SIDS, it has been the only way that Sophie and I get any sleep. With the car seat her head is propped up so she can't choke if she spits up, there's no risk of her being suffocated by a blanket or crib bumpers and I can rest assured that she won't end up on her tummy. I know that it seems silly or downright uncomfortable but Sophie has grown accustomed to her cozy, reclined, sleeping position. So much so that I realized that she won't or can't sleep anywhere else.
     I tried weaning her off the car seat and into the bassinet. After 4 nights of pure baby crying hell, I gave up. Hey, I've got to sleep occasionally...
     My mother HATES the idea (let me reiterate that she hates it, really REALLY hates) that I let my daughter sleep in a car seat and I knew that when Sophie, my mom and I spent the weekend at my grandparents that I was going to have to figure something out. After doing a little research I set out to buy a pack and play that I could take with us with the hopes that Sophie would take to the "cozy bassinet nook".  I ended up with a Graco newborn cuddler deluxe. This thing is amazing. It has a full bassinet, a newborn bassinet "basket", a changing table, a diaper caddy, a mobile, an mp3 player and...it vibrates! Not only have I finally broken the bad car seat habit, it turns out that I could've just invested in this and skipped buying the crib, changing table and the bassinet!!!! Note to self for our second kid...
     The picture says it all. There she is guys, sound asleep, stretched out and perfect. Today I do a victory dance.

Happy 1st day after Valentine's Day!

They say kids don't have memories earlier than age 4. Good...because it occurs to me that I have forgotten to get my favorite Valentine something special to commemorate her first February 14th celebration. In the hurry to make the perfect dinner and create a romantic ambiance for my husband, I neglected to remember that these are the things she'll see (or won't see) in her cedar chest years from now. So my mistake can serve as a useful tip for new moms: take advantage of the sales!!!! I got flowers and a card 75% off and she'll never know the difference. The only harm done is to my guilty conscience.

Best of: Lies I Was Told About Babies

10.  Even with fifteen kids, it's possible to retain your sense of self. - False. My entire existence can be summed up by just one screaming three month old.

9.    A baby is simply a happy addition to the family. - See lie #10.  A baby thinks it is the center of the universe, YOU are a happy and necessary addition to your baby's life.

8.   Being a stay at home mom is easier than going back to work. - If I had a job (other than mommy hood) I'd have an excuse for not getting the dishes done or being too tired to walk the dog. As a stay at home mom your job doesn't end at five o'clock.  There are no scheduled coffee breaks, only the sacred "nap time" where you feel guilty sitting and watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when there's a mountain of laundry whispering (okay screaming) your name.

7.   You can get plenty of sleep, just nap when the baby naps. - I've heard of this mythical nap time where your infant goes down for two hours and all is quiet.  Not only does my child fight sleep with a vengeance  but even when she does finally pass out from exhaustion, there's work to be done, laundry to be cleaned, hair to be washed or more realistic...mommy needs a minute.  Those precious moments when the house is filled only with soft snores are like gold in my home.  

6.  Sleeping babies are so adorable you'll find yourself sitting and staring at them for hours! - Yes, you will.  But not because of how beautiful they look (of course they do).  You're checking to make sure she's breathing.  With SIDS being a hot topic these days, I find that I obsessively check on my adorable sleeping baby to make sure her blanket isn't near her face, that she hasn't rolled onto her tummy, that she's breathing, that she can be woken up and she hasn't fallen into a coma, that her face hasn't turned down into the mattress...so much for doing the dishes.

5.   You'll be so in love you won't be able to put her down. - If my daughter had her way, I would never let her out of my arms.  What no one tells you is that the screaming back aches and the necessity of two hands will have you begging someone else to hold her...just for a minute.

4.   Family and friends will be there to help! - As wonderful as they are for trying, most help becomes a hindrance   Between trying to be a good hostess, the constant parenting advice and the fact that the baby usually just wants it's mama, you'll often have too many cooks in the kitchen.  

3.   Everyone loves babies! - My bank didn't seem too enthused about her when she cried for the entire hour we were there.  Nor did the other  patrons at the restaurant when she screamed during dinner.  People love quiet babies.  

2.   Breastfeeding is so much easier than buying formula and making bottles. - Suddenly my biggest enemy has become my breasts.  Got Milk?  The slogan can haunt you.  Am I producing enough?  Do I need to "pump and dump" after that glass of wine?  Wasting that much precious breast milk almost makes you want to say no to alcohol...almost.  And no matter how much milk you have, your baby will always want more.  She grows and grows every day.  I love the health benefits and saving money but what my raw nipples wouldn't give for a keg of breast milk in the kitchen and a bottle to put it in. 

1.   Babies smell like rainbows. - They don't.  They smell like poop...and feet...and sour milk.  Sure toss them in the bath and lather them up with lotion and they smell like heaven.  Give it ten minutes.  The fart, they drool, they slobber milk down their pretty little faces and hide it deep in the wrinkles of their neck...

Speaking of Dirty...

     Being a stay at home mom for the time being, I have an entire day to get things done!  Let me paint you a picture...the house is clean, the dishes done,   I've gotten everything on the grocery list, my legs are shaved, dinner is waiting on the table for my husband...stay at home mom right? Wrong.  Super duper wrong.  I wish I had invested in paper plates.  And the grocery store?  Ha! It takes me almost an hour to even be ready to leave the house with a three month old.  Is she fed? Changed? Warm? Where are her socks?  Should I take the car seat in or use the Moby wrap? Oh shit! I've left my purse at home.
     I'm lucky to get a shower most days.  I turned around last week and realized I hadn't washed my hair in almost four days.  My legs are shedding longer hairs than the dog.  I'm positive my husband can smell the sour milk and sweat.  When did a five minute shower become a little slice of heaven?  That five minutes when, even if she's crying, I can't hear anything but the water splashing into my filthy tub.  When my eyes are closed and the warm steam has created a private island just for me.  And then the panic sets in.  Did she wake up?  Is that her crying?  Oh God what if she fell out of the swing because I didn't lock the tray down properly?  Did I lock the front door? The back door?  Where's the dog? 
     I've heard that things get easier with the second child.  The panic lessens, the showers get longer, the crying doesn't grate at the very core of your soul. For now, I'm a dirty, hairy, mama whose house gets manically straightened up ten minutes before my husband gets home from work.
     What do I do all day you ask?  I make 8 bottles, change 22 diapers, sing Miss Mary Mack (Sophie's favorite smile-inducing song at the moment) 17 times, Let the dog outside 4 times, take out 2 bags of trash, teach Sophie to sit up, teach Sophie to roll over, make Sophie stop crying 49 times, choke down whatever's in the fridge (because I'm STARVING) while I hurriedly hide the dishes in the dishwasher, cross my fingers that Sophie will take nap so I can hop in the shower long enough to get EVERY part of me clean before she wakes up wailing for a bottle or a diaper change or just because she needs some attention...you get the point.
     Stay at home moms, I had no idea.  I now stand amongst your ranks proudly, albeit exhausted.  I'd salute you but I can't remember if I've shaved my armpits this week.

Oh that smell. Can't you smell that smell?

     Babies don't smell like rainbows.  They smell like sour milk...and feet...and poop.  Sure, toss them in a bath, lather them up with baby lotion and they smell like heaven.  Give it ten minutes.  They fart, they drool, they slobber milk down their pretty little faces and hide it deep in the wrinkles of their necks.
     So here I am, a brand new mom to my gorgeous 3 month old daughter Sophie, and we're at the pediatrician's office...again (more on that later).  They get me to strip her down so they can inspect every inch of her tiny little body.  As I'm waiting for the doctor to finish entering Sophie's information, I am frozen with embarrassment.  Hoping to save face, I scramble to remedy the situation before the doctor finds this and I am shamed by a woman I have met only twice.  Sophie has gunk in her neck wrinkles...and in her armpits.  Now, I clean this girl EVERY night and I clean her thoroughly (as thoroughly as one can wash a squirming, slippery, three month old) but here it is.  This toe jam smelling, sour milk odored GUNK!  And now it's on my fingers. Luckily I caught it before this woman finds out and accuses me of having a dirty baby.  Because that would be more embarrassing than smelling like grossness myself.  I leave the office with my head held high, if only to get my nose further away from the vomit inducing smell on my fingers.
     I still don't know what this stuff is but it's there, every night, taunting me.